Update

We took Jake in to see his oncologist yesterday. We were so sure we were going to be told that this thing, whatever it it, was no big deal and to not worry about it. No such luck. I have come to the conclusion that our child will not ever do the normal thing. He has to take the difficult way around everything. The truth is, no one can figure out what has caused his lymph node to become as large as it has. Each doctor that has looked at it has been surprised at how large it is. And there is no reasoning behind it. If he had bruising or had hurt his leg or even been sick the last little while, it would be some sort of explanation. But he hasn't even had a tiny cough. Our doctor is pretty sure he has not relapsed, but she "is not happy with this." It is frustrating. It is scary not knowing. The waiting is always the worst part. They have decided to put him on an antibiotic just in case he has an infection. And in the meantime, wait. Wait until after the holidays to see if it goes away. And if it doesn't, they will biopsy it come January. So if you don't mind, say a prayer for our sweet boy that things might just go our way this time around.

Perception

I have been surprised this week by how my perception on life has been changed the last three years. Jake had a routine clinic appointment two weeks ago tomorrow. Three days later, we found a lump about the size of a golfball on his little body. It was late, so Saturday I called up to clinic and talked to the on call oncologist. His first words were, "Well, his counts were good a few days ago, so I won't have you come in and do a bone marrow biopsy yet." It was like a punch in the gut. Of course Jeff was out of town because these things tend to happen when he is gone, so I was left to panic on my own. We were told to wait a week and if it was still there to call our pediatrician and see what he wanted to do. A week later. It is still there. Same size. Pediatrician doesn't have a clue what it is. Call oncologist. Time to panic. And yet, we are not. Jeff and I had the conversation of "what if". What if he does relapse, or if it is something to be concerned about? What are we going to do about it? Fight it obviously. But, for some reason, neither one of us is too worried about it. I would have thought something like this would have taken over every thought and I would be panicking to the point of desperation, but it hasn't. Which is a good thing. It makes me realize that if something does happen and Jake gets sick again, we can do it. Again. As crappy as it would be. It is doable. And really, what else can we do? Fight it. And hope and pray that there really and truly is nothing wrong.

DASH

Our elf came out of hiding out in the North Pole for the year the day before Thanksgiving. Santa most definitely had some inspiration when he came up with the idea of sending those little guys into our homes for the holiday season. Last year's elf, Conner, was replaced with a newer elf name Dash. He is not putting up with much from those boys and they have already been warned they are going to get on the naughty list if they don't start listening better. It has worked like a charm. I love Dash. I wish he could stick around all year. But then, I am sure, he would lose his magic of making little boys behave.

My boys started writing him letters the second he showed up. They put check boxes in them for Dash to sign yes or no and are in a word, HILARIOUS. I am not even kidding. This is the first letter Jake wrote to our dear friend:

The other day Crew ran in the room, not just crying but full on sobbing. He had accidentally knocked Dash over and touched him just a little bit. He was pretty sure he had made Dash lose all of his magic because he touched him.

This has probably become one of my favorite Christmas traditions. I love how a simple elf can make my kiddos want to be good, but I especially love to see them interacting with him. Cole tells him good night before bed and I have caught both him and Crew talking to him saying who knows what. They wake up so excited every morning to see if they can find him and if he has brought a special treat that day. It is a reminder every morning how much fun it is to be a kid at Christmastime.

Thankfulness's

I have quite a bit of catching up to do on this thing. My goal over the next couple of weeks is to play catch up. First off. Thanksgiving. It was spent at my dad's house this year. Eating lots of food, playing games, watching movies. And just being together as a family. It was a good day. That being said, there are so many things that I am thankful for there is no way I could name all of them. I want to concentrate on the little things in my life right now. Because in a way, that is what is the most important.

I love the way my boys are when they wake up in the morning. Jake is about a head shorter than me and makes me carry him the seven feet to the bathroom so he can wake up in the 10 seconds it takes to get there. I am pretty sure we have pulled a "Shrek" one or two times by hitting his head against the door as I walk through it. It helps to wake him up a little easier although it tends to put him in a crabbier mood for some reason. Cole and Crew are usually up before I am and run into our room first thing in the morning yelling at us to "Wake up!" They need their chocolate milk in a sippy, (yes, Cole is included in this as well. Remember, he is seven.) and the Disney Channel needs to be turned on. It is a morning ritual that I love. I love their messed up hair and sleepy happy faces. I love that they are the first things that I see in the morning and that they have become my alarm clock.

I love the way Crew prays. He prays just to get under Cole's skin. "Heavenly Father, please bless my pet unicorn cause I love him and my crocodile pillow pet and thank you for everybody. And Jake's my best friend and bless my giraffe and all my animals and all the people on the earth and bless my mom and dad." And on and on and on. We usually have to remind him to bless the food and to actually end the prayer because who knows how long he would go on for. Drives Cole crazy.

I love that Cole is the most competitive person on earth. Not just with games, but with life in general. He hates to lose. And if he does, it is NOT his fault. We are working on this and most of the time it drives me crazy, but it makes me laugh to watch him.

I love listening to Jeff and Crew yell as loud as they can out the door to the boys as they ride their scooters to school to be sure and make good choices and that they love them.

I love that Crew's favorite sippy cup is the purple minnie mouse one and that his favorite colors are pink and purple.

I love that Jeff knows exactly how to pull my oldest child out of his 'funk'. I have yet to learn this and heaven knows how hard I try. I just don't have the patience my sweet husband has.

I love that my nine year old is not embarrassed to show affection. The other day as I was carrying him to the shower, he squeezed my neck and whispered, "I love you Mommy." It started out as a very good day.

I love that I know every Tuesday is a 'Heidi and Jeff' day. For two hours I get Jeff all to myself while all three kiddos are at school. It is one of my favorite parts of the week.

I love that Crew asks, "What number you are?" for how old are you. I love that he is more excited about his birthday than Christmas and he tells every stranger he meets that his birthday is coming up after Christmas.

These boys in my life make me happy. And I am so grateful for that. That I am able to be happy just because of these four little people in my life.