patience

My mom got called to be the relief society president. And with that came her oldest daughter being coerced into helping during her lesson on sunday... which I was not thrilled with. At all. But, as much as I did not want to help, I am grateful that I was able to. Because I learned a couple of things along the way. (Why does it always seem to happen that way? Don't want to do something, and then grateful for the chance in the end.) I had the assignment to talk about PATIENCE through trials. Which is kind of a joke considering I am not patient. And I feel like I have become even more inpatient with the particular trial we are trying to survive at the moment. I do not like waiting. And that is what our life has become. Waiting in hospitals. Waiting for test results. Waiting to see if Jake gets a fever. Waiting to find the right house. Waiting to find a bone marrow match for Jake. Every day, holding my breath and waiting for something to happen. But, as I planned my small five minute talk, I began to actively think about the things that this relapse has already taught me. Number one being, don't take life for granted. Especially don't take my family for granted. I know we hear this all the time and it is a really crappy way to learn this lesson, but it has been well learned. I find myself taking more and more time to sit down with my boys and play with them instead of doing a load of laundry, or packing another box. Having Jake home 24 hours a day would not be my first choice, but it has made me appreciate the extra time that we are able to spend with him. One day these three boys will all be gone and raising families of their own and this is my one chance to do it right. And I do not want any regrets.